During our hike, I found myself talking about Nature vs. Nurture, about the internal battle which ensues when those two things are at odds. For example, my nature is sensitive, creative, emotional, with a need to have close connection/bond. I was nurtured to be independent (had to start doing my own laundry at age 7), resourceful (if I wanted to go to summer camp during middle school, I had to figure out a way to pay for it myself), a leader (when you're the oldest of eight children, you're left in charge a lot, you can't be weak). I'm a person at odds with myself, my nature is fearful of the way I was nurtured, it feels weak in comparison.
In an ideal scenario, I wouldn't be in a situation which would require me to fully rely on anything other than my natural wiring, I would be a support pillar for someone that desired to lead and provide. However, we don't always get what we want. Maybe some of us are just destined for more adversity than others, and for that reason, God gives us tools to be able to survive in a world that isn't fair.
Surviving is no way to live, there has to be balance between being who you are (your nature) and doing what you've been trained to do (your nurture). Fear is the only thing which prevents us from embracing (fully) one or the other. The fear of being who we really want to be and then being rejected (or unable to have your basic needs met), or the fear that if you make an effort to step into the unknown (to do something without the assistance of the tools we normally rely on), that it will fail.
Fear exists in idea's never verbalized, wishes never spoken, steps never taken, all will never happen when left silent. It sounds cliche`, but you'll never reach the top of a mountain that you never attempt to climb. There can be no real victory with out the threat of loss and failure, the sun is only beautiful when contrasted by the dark of night, hot is only hot when contrasted by cold, the amount of cliches is endless, but they all come back to the central of idea of passionate commitment to an idea, there's no passion in being somewhere in the middle.
Sometimes I feel a little bit like that kitten clinging onto that clothes line you see with the caption that reads "hang in there little guy." It's scary to put yourself in a position that might end in pain or failure, but you never know unless you try. Really try. I'm not super woman, If I actually felt even half the things that I write in this blog, I wouldn't feel the need to write it, but I'm trying.
There's people who's nurture cripples their ability to survive, to be (when necessary) a lone wolf. I see this all the time in people who had parents that did everything for them. Men that "deserve" to be fawned over by women, that don't know how to do their own laundry or cook anything (Mom's that over mothered). Women who don't check their own engine oil, that ask for help before even trying, that ask for things to be given which are basic (Dad's that didn't see the need to teach).
Don't get me wrong, to be in service to someone who needs help, is a beautiful thing. However, much too often, I see perfectly capable people asking or expecting things, which they have no actual need of assistance or right to expect. You're not 12, figure it out and do it yourself, or at least try first.
A HUGE area of struggle for me, is sympathy, I have very little and give it out rarely. Too often, people lack the passion to really try, to make every effort to climb out on a limb. It's failure through weakness that I have no sympathy for. "I don't have the money to go to school (which means: my life is destined to be less than it could be, poor me)", a HUGE cop out that I hear often. WEAK SAUCE, you'll get no sympathy from me. If you want it, you can make it happen. If you're weak, you only do or engage in something because it's easy. Nothing good is ever easy, and if it is... just wait.
(Side note: relationships with people can demand exceptions, you can't decide to make someone love you, but you can love someone without condition.)
Empathy, this is something I have in excess. Genuine effort, failure, loss, joy, these things only happen for those that face real fear. I can identify with facing personal fear, I can understand it, I feel it in my bones, I live there. Yes, empathy comes from a well without a bottom, but it's few (in my view) that warrant it (something I need to work on, since grace isn't for me to ration).
When did we become a society that only values what's easy? When did we become a society entitled to everything? It makes me bitter that I never had anything given to me, makes me feel shame towards those that didn't earn what they have (This is my nurtured side talking). We were created in the image of the Creator, the command to go out and subdue the earth, to live life to the fullest, this was given to us, it's in our very D.N.A., and yet people assume to be so weak, so forgetful, so selfish.
Nature provided us with tools to fully embrace joy. Nurturing provided us with tools to help us survive in a certain type of world, either a world that doesn't care, or a world where life can be expected to not have any devastating surprises. It's true that you're the product of many things, but ONLY you are responsible for how you navigate life, take responsibility for it.
I'm a person at odds, I know this about myself. I know that part of me doesn't have what it wants, it's yearning, it's lonely, it's tired, it's delicate. I know that another part of me is doing what it deems necessary to live a life of adversity, of deprivation of the things my nature wants and with the tenderness that my nature desires. I don't know if the one will ever get what it wants, or if the other will ever be able to take a break, but I'm passionate about finding that balance, I'm passionate about making the climb to look for it.
Assistance, love, support, all those things are gifts, not givens, they leave you without reason or warning (With one exception). The only advice I can think to offer (to anyone reading this or to myself), is to pack your backpack as if you were going to carry it alone for the duration. If someone comes a long and wants to help share the load, accept with genuine gratitude, but until then, keep moving forward, if you stop, you'll start thinking about all the reasons why it would be easier not to go.
