First day back to work post long weekend, brutal. I guess I shouldn't complain, it's been a pretty productive day and the outlook for the week is even better.
I totally got to wear my new boots to work (I have the luxury of getting to wear whatever I want), it was nice to wear something waterproof with all the rain we've been getting. I also found myself (yet again) at another Rei yesterday, there just happened to be one right by where I was lunching with one of my companions for my upcoming backpacking trip. So... new sock liners, 2 1L. Platypus bags, and (dare I say it) a pair of nylon/spandex underwear later, I made it back out to my car.
I'm relentless, I've said it before, but I really am. I focus very intensely on an idea, plan, or relationship, so much so that it can distract me fully from everything else in my life. This can be a bad thing, and in years past, has been. However, more so in the past month, it's been a HUGE blessing. A very large part of me is very stuck on a issue that I can't do anything about, it's one of those things that makes you cry for no reason at random moments during the day (really freaks your co-workers out), but I possess the skill to be able to focus on something else so completely, that I can go totally numb to everything else. A blessing.
I don't think it's a good idea to avoid real life, but sometimes you have to just wait and let certain things come to you. The waiting can twist you up and make you sick inside, like you can't breathe, like you just need a second to catch your breath. Having a few commercials in life, doesn't have to be painful, you can mute it and run to the bathroom or get a snack, or in my case, backpack.
I have to always be accomplishing something, even when it's a hobby or a vacation. Never will I do just one painting, it wouldn't make sense to be all by itself, I'll do six so as to complete an entire room. It would be great to go visit my friend in Scotland, but if I'm going to go ALL THAT WAY, I should visit Ireland and England as well (scratch as much off my list as possible). Maximize, be efficient, don't look back with regrets.
My commercial is backpacking, it's mentally refreshing, it's athletically productive, it's something I can look back on when I'm old and be proud to list as a hobby from when I was young. Horse back ridding is another one, a hobby I've picked up and set down several times. I was blessed this past Sunday to have met a woman at my church whom asked me to come ride her Thoroughbreds (I happened to have been wearing my riding boots to church).
I always wanted to think of myself as an easy going person, but now I'm not so sure I even like the idea of what that means. In my mind, being "easy going" means that you never get particularly excited or upset about anything, you don't worry about deadlines or schedules, you can get along with just about anyone because no one really gets under your skin. This mentality is what I call, being breezy.
Doing anything with a passion, means that it comes at the emotional expense of something else. However, doing nothing with passion, reduces the pain you feel when your pursuit fails. I'm of the mind, that if I pursue being on time to a friends party, or dinner, or event, that it says to that person (even if they don't see it), that I'm placing their event (and them) as my top priority, because it's important to them and to me, I'm sharing passion and showing respect.
It's with passion I invest myself, it's with passion I that pursue prosperity and success, leave no room for failure. It's with a passionate sorrow that an intent, a wish, a hope, falls short. Such sorrow, such joy, such intensity, such emotions must come with commercials. I'm talking a lot about what's in my head, I'm not entirely successful in living it out, but this is what I'm attempting.
I don't ever want a person that loves me to think to themselves, "I wonder if she cares?" Anything and everything I choose to make part of my life, will be done with passion. I want to be loved with passion, I want to be rewarded with loyalty, and most of all, I don't ever want there to be a doubt that I'm anything less than 100% invested into the people in my life. If you're not passionate about the small things, you can't be passionate about the big things.
