I had a long phone conversation last night, it was with a woman that I've long considered to be my second mother. During our talk, I felt slammed to the floor by two simply stated facts which she inadvertently mentioned:
1. God doesn't give us what we're not ready for. She told me a story about a child that was SO excited to take a trip on a train, that she started asking days in advance to hold her train ticket. Her father wouldn't give it to her, because it wasn't time to go yet.
2. God is faithful to refine us. I've prayed for patience, he's faithful to give me situations to teach it to me. I pray to learn how to be selfless, he shows me things that I must be willing to surrender. He wants to make me perfect, I didn't pray for this, but I asked for peace and there's no room for worry in perfect peace. He's allowing me to be in situations again and again, because I haven't yet learned how to trust him enough not to worry. He's leaving me there until I get it!
I told a dear friend recently, that it had been a long time since I'd heard God speak. I've felt him working, I've seen his hand, but I'd not heard him speak to me. I'm in shock and awe at having been made aware of his voice so much in the last few days. I just keep hearing him say "will you trust me?", over and over again, louder and louder.
Doing a "trust fall" is something you do often in team building exercises, or when you're 14 and at summer camp, but the lesson is timeless. Right now I'm standing on that ledge, but I hear God saying "trust me." I know there's peace if I'll just not worry, but it's still hard to draw that breath and let myself fall. There's no fear in love, love is peace, and He promises perfect peace to those who ask for it. Deep breath.
